i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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