shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
