I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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