we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm both gender and math confused
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
