I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
