He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
