I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
