what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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