there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
