Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
