I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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