i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
