She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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