You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
