I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
two words...techno handjob
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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