I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
