Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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