Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
