...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
