I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
