I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
