even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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