yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
