Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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