When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
