dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
