It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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