I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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