Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
