we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
