Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
