i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
