I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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