i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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