he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
