is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
