I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Congratulations! We have a period
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
