Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
