Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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