Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
