Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
