The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
