im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
