the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
