Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
