I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
