Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
