just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
