dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
there is puke in my bra ... again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
