Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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