Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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