Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
