How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize