Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ttyl tear gas
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
