he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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