she woke up with a sticky ear
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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