Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have aggressive nipples.
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