no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
