it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
