so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You can't just leave with hair like that
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
