I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
