I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize