the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
