Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
