you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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