drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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