Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize