i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize