My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
