i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
