dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love having hate sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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