Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
