Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
