hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize