I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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