Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
