is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
