All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
