I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize