I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
