I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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