Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
