let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
