I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
