Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
