I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
