this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
