dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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