are you still at the devil's house?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
