ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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