You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
