Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
