Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
