Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
