You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
