Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
