If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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