You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize