I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
