There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
