Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
