Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
