So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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