Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
