I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
